Been to Meet the Queen?

I knew this was it. This was the place I would come back to one day to stay longer than a week. This was the city of my dreams. The museums caught my breath, the discipline made me shiver and the amalgamation of people made me wonder. Londonium (named by the Romans) now known as London - a name that speaks for itself.

The fact that I was doing a British course (ACCA) which gave me a potential possibility of studying in London never failed to excite me. But just when I almost gave up hope, I landed at Heathrow Airport with a burst of euphoria. Yes, finally a dream come true? I was yet to know.

Heathrow – one of the world’s largest and busiest airports with the highest number of international passengers. And I was one of them! I expected to be greeted by a fantabulous architecture, modernism and utmost professionalism. But taking a look at the never ending line at Immigration made me groan with anger. A twelve hour journey had already taken a toll on my spine and lower limbs. To add to the misery of waiting for an hour till I was called, I had to go through a ‘medical check-up’ for they saw the front of my passport. Joy of having an Indian passport. Mera Bharat Mahan.

I thought the British would have some common sense to see my Place of Residence but hey, they elected Tony Blair as PM once upon a time so can’t argue much against it, can I?

At least, I should be grateful that my bags were already waiting for me but that’s obvious. The flight I’d landed in had long left for another destination! So much for the ‘professionalism’ I expected. Anyway, being an optimistic soul, I went to my Paying Guest accommodation to be greeted by a Gujarati uncle & aunty. No offence to anyone but I was a little apprehensive due to the common remarks we hear about Gujjus & Marwadis. The 1^st month passed away with abnormal normalcy & yes, I think the remarks we hear are not that far from the truth. I shall not delve into details for fear of my life. God Bless everyone!

College was not what I expected. Wait, nothing was what I expected till now, so no surprise! I’d hoped for big grassy lawns and grounds when I was greeted with a busy London street cramped with people and cars. I anticipated a huge palace or cathedral type of structure when a 4 storey brown building looked at me depressingly. I eagerly awaited making friends with the British but hey, I found friends in a Black American & Afro-French instead.

Optimism busted, I imagined 3 headed aliens for teachers but hey, I think that was one thing that turned out fine. Kudos to my professors – they are kings/queens in their subjects!

“Live life London style” is the motto here and I wanted to be part of it. But that entailed:

1. Wake up at 6:30am to catch the tube at 8am for a 9:30am class.

2. Forget your name but not your umbrella.

3. Read the Metro newspaper on the tube with a 100 other passengers.

4. Make sure your ears have iPod earphones dangling out of them.

5. Wear black from head to toe to get submerged in the crowd.

6. Never look anyone in the eye or smile. Act like your dog just died.

7. Be prepared to spend more then £10 per week for milk and supplies.

8. Never say you know Bin Laden for you will be shot on the spot.

Okay, the last one was just to break the ice! But yes, that’s what life in London is all about – a physical and mental seclusion from happiness. It’s not a wonder how such a small country ruled almost the entire world once upon a time.

The museums which fascinated me when I was 8, have now become places to display public affection. Oh yes! You can find all types of sexualities here in London; even ones which have not yet been named.

The discipline I experienced then is still the same as long as the sun is shining. Once night falls, the tables turn. Child abuse, rape and murder fill the morning papers. If this is the mark of ‘Great’ Britain, I fear the definition of ‘great’ has to be changed in the dictionary. Selfishness has taken over selflessness, sorrow has wiped out happiness and monotony is the order of the day.

If you want to surprise your mom on her birthday, do book an appointment 2 weeks in advance.

Folks, I might seem a little too harsh on my dream city but it’s the reality. Face it, if not – join the plastic community. They do say, “If you are tired of London, you are tired of life.” but maybe the person who said that didn’t have a life.

Did I meet the Queen? No, but now I know why the Queen never gets out of Buckingham Palace.

Cheers!

P.S – Happy Birthday Palli Boy!

Disclaimer – The writer takes no responsibility for anything mentioned in the above article. It is purely a fictional tale to bring a smile on the birthday boy’s face. Thank You.